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Adventures in Hollywood!

I warn you, this tale is not pretty. But it is pretty funny.

Now, you may be thinking the obvious here. It might go something like, Pardon me, Ellie? (How polite, thank you.) If you successfully failed in Hollywood, why on earth should I listen to YOU? (Okay, a little snarky there.)

 

It is simple, really, do not. Go to Hollywood and make all the mistakes I made and then make your own little movie. Waste your valuable time and money, because you have plenty of it, right?

 

Or, and I am just swinging for the Hollywood sign here, you could save yourself a good deal of time and money and learn from my mistakes. Better yet, capitalize on them. My experiences are not unusual. They have happened to me and many of my acting friends and their friends.

 

I belong to the enormous pool of actors at the deep end of the industry treading water in the non-famous category. Statistically speaking, if you are in Hollywood pursuing an acting career or wish to move to Hollywood to do the same, you will run into experiences similar to mine. They are so popular, in fact, they are running for prom queen.

 

But here is the kicker: You can avoid my mistakes.

 

I would LOVE to turn some of my failures into your success. I will not lie, it might sting a bit like the taste of tequila before the lime squeeze. But ultimately it is recycling and I consider myself an environmentalist.

 

Plus, I have this image of all the crap I have been through, like a big mountain of manure. All the weirdoes, posers and fakers are in this pile and you (yes, you!) are standing on it triumphant. Consider this a contribution to composting.

 

Maybe I am holding your arm up, like Rocky at the end of a winning boxing match. This makes me your crabby coach (Burgess Meredith!). So when you win, it is our success.

Is that co-dependent? Well, it is my movie, and I get to be co-dependent if I want to. Fold it up now if you do not have the stomach for it; and definitely pack it up and forget Hollywood if you are too independent, because you will need all the help you can get.

 

As all my embarrassing tidbits get handed to you and other artists, and they hand them to someone else, they increase in value. If my excruciating stories can help a few artists listen to their raw instincts, even a little, then each experience was not wasted. More recycling to help the planet!

 

Seriously, if you are an actor in Hollywood you will have a ridiculous experience at some point. Hollywood is laden with the ridiculous. I am also fairly certain some of this fizdom (wisdom from experiences that fizzle), crosses over and benefits artists in other trades, such as music, dance, writing, painting and crafts. The pyramid seems to be a pervasive model in these industries too.

 

That is, an enormous population of struggling artists below and in the middle, and a tiny group of wildly successful artists on top.

 

Are all the unknowns holding up the structure, so the ones on top can thrive?

 

Food for thought pyramid pole dancer, food for thought.

 

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